In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
