I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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