So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
