Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
please don't ironically join a cult
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