You smell like stripper and shame
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
