If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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