We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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