3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
