I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
