Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
