he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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