my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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