i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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