His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
