HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
