you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
