I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
