did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she pinky promised me she was 18
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
