My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
