K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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