I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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