Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
