Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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