She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
