I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
