Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dick very happy bro
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
