quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
