just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
