I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Of course I have a pirate flag
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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