Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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