Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
