She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
