dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
