I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Everclear isn't food dammit
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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