Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
