You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
