so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Small penises have feelings too.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
