I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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