My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
