What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
