I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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