remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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