i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
