this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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