I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
