it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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