It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
