I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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