best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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