I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
