Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
