The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
