I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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