I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
