Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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