My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
