I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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