I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
