I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
