no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
