Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
