Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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