I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
