Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it's like heaven, but drunker
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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