Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
