Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
