Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
