You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize