if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
