I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
