I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
