my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
