Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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